Friends,
Sometimes we just need to listen to kids. There. I said it.
As a past teacher and twenty-something adult, I have come to the conclusion that kids and young adults make better sense of life than I can at times. Coming to the realization that a 16-year-old kid is better at navigating life and character than you can be impactful though. And this reality check is exactly what I needed just a few short months ago.
Travel back with me to March 2019. I had just applied for a consultant job outside of the classroom. My feelings were all over the place about the opportunity and potential that I would have to walk away from “my kids”. I was stressed about end of the year competitions, degree and award applications, teaching, parent teacher conferences, and planning a wedding. I felt overwhelmed and even though I was surrounded by people every day, I felt alone. One day, before spring break, a student came into my classroom after school and pulled a green wobble chair up to my desk. She said to me, “Miss Rudder, you seem to be spread thin and having a hard time. Are you doing okay?”
I was absolutely embarrassed. Was I that bad at hiding my emotions? Was it that evident that I was stressed? As a million things raced through my mind about what I could have said or done to show my students that I was weak, I replied, “Yeah. I am doing okay! Just that time of year.”
It turned out that she knew me better than I thought because the next thing she said to me will forever imprint on my memory and heart. She said, “You always tell us to be authentic, ourselves. You share that you want us to be good humans with good character. And you share that we should take care of ourselves, so that we can give the best of ourselves to others. But it seems like you are trying so hard to take care of us, the school, your family, and everyone else that you are not taking care of yourself or working on yourself like you preach to us.”
Ouch. Or in the words of Kelso from That 70s Show, BURRRRRRRN!
Young people inherently know that character is developed. That it takes time. That it takes choice. That it takes reflection. I mean this RocketKid nails it on the head! But as adults, we forget that it takes effort to work on your character. It takes effort to work on yourself. It takes effort to positively impact the world. It takes effort, but not THAT much effort. I mean the video breaks it down in three simple steps: 1) The Good & The Bad, 2) Character is Built Over Time, 3) Take Notes of Your Behavior.
The Good & The Bad—
What are your greatest character qualities? Have you ever even thought about this before? Have you ever shared your greatest character qualities out loud to others?
I know that I really haven’t… I personally have always struggled at seeing myself in a positive light. Now, I can pretty much pinpoint when this switch in me happened where I started thinking very negatively of myself.
I was in 4th grade. And picture with me what little Emily might have been like… Well? I had short hair that was above my shoulders. It was permed. Yes, permed, folks. I was a chubbier young lady, especially compared to my prepubescent classmates. I wore lace up boots that my aunt bought me for riding my horse, Hershey. I had a million dark, orange freckles on my cheeks. I also had the best fashion sense… Jeans, sweatshirts, and BIG t-shirts. But? You know that else I was… I was smart, funny, caring, friendly, inclusive, giving, a good friend, and a wonderful sibling. And I thought that those words defined me until…
Silent reading time started about mid-morning one day in Mrs. Morrison’s class. I found my spot and started reading my 7th grade reading level book when a boy in my class sat next to me. We weren’t supposed to be talking, but he whispered to me, “Emily, you know that I am looking for a girlfriend, right?” I didn’t know what he was talking about (mostly because I thought you had to be in high school to have a boyfriend... Thanks, Dad!) and didn’t want to get into trouble with my favorite teacher, so I looked at him and nodded my head no (see, I was also a good kid! Rule follower and everything!). He then said to me, “Well, I would ask you to be my girlfriend, but you’re too fat and ugly for me.”
Fat and ugly? Fat and ugly? Is that what I am? I thought I was a good student and smart and nice. But now… Now all of a sudden, I am Emily the fat and ugly. I thought that I didn’t get to have any positive qualities to me anymore. I thought that I was only defined by this negative perception of me and my character. This 4th grade interaction forever imprinted on my character and my heart. And since that moment when I was 11 years old, there has been this part of me that immediately thinks negatively about myself because of just a few mean words.
Over time, I have struggled to change my internal narrative about myself, and I have had some successes in talking more positively about myself to myself (that I cannot wait to share in later posts!). But today, I am going to share with you the five most positive character traits about me, so that I can start realizing the good of my character:
1. Inclusive- I never want anyone to feel like they are alone or not appreciated
2. Good Listener- I do my very best to listen before speaking, so that I can fully understand someone without giving feedback or my thoughts
3. Positive- I do my best to see every situation as positive!
4. Creative- I like to be creative through writing, painting, and coming up with one-of-a-kind solutions to problems
5. Gracious- I take lots of time to thank people. I love to write thank yous and share how much I appreciate people.
Now it’s YOUR TURN! Write down your top 5 character qualities on a sticky note, piece of paper, mirror, back of that McDonald’s receipt in your car, or journal. Share these qualities with your loved ones, friends, Starbuck’s Barista or whoever will listen to help in sharing what good character can look like for yourself and others.
Now, let’s talk the hard talk. What are you weakest character qualities?
Now this. This I have thought about before (obviously, see story above, am I right?). I think that it is so easy to dwell on what we are weak in. I know that I naturally think of myself negatively, and SO MANY others are in the same boat. I just shared with you what I think about myself every day, and even though it doesn’t affect my character, as much as a 27-year-old adult-ish lady, it did effect my character during 4th and 5th grade because I lost my positivity, my joy, my graciousness, and being 100% me. My area of character weakness is negative self-talk. I choose to talk to myself so negatively. I would NEVER say any of the things that I think about myself to others, but deep down, I know that I should not say it to myself either. It is so easy to hide what I say to myself because I am the only one that hears it, but today, you all get to know my weak character.
Now, it is your turn to look into your heart and into yourself. Choose one area of weakness that you see in your character and reflect on how you could be effort into bettering that one part of you. Find an accountability partner, friend, momma, or mentor to help you with your weak area. Work on this area once a week to help you in bettering your character.
Bottom Line: We all have amazing, positive, and good character traits. We should share them! We should showcase them! We should be our good character 100% of the time.
We also have some not so fabulous, negative, and bad character traits. This is where we need to reflect on them, identify them, and spend some time bettering ourselves. When we choose to get better, we choose good character.
Which brings me to…Character is Built Over Time—
Hello! That also means that this goes for adults! We need to remember this every.single.day. We are still malleable, coachable, and able to be better. It takes a lifetime to develop and build character. Since it takes time, we should be taking care of ourselves (just like my student reminded me), so we can be our best self. So, we can be good humans with good character.
Lastly, Take Notes on Your Behavior—
When you see something good, take note!
When you see something bad, take note!
The ONLY human being who can know you 100% is YOU. And if you don’t hold yourself accountable to the good and the bad, then no one will. In life, we won’t always have a 16-year-old high school student walk up to us and say, “Hey, check your character, lady!”
One way that I plan on keeping character on my brain more purposefully (besides this blog and podcast) is to set a reminder on my phone once a month to reflect on how I positively (or at times negatively) influenced the world around me. Once I come up with 2-3 influences, I will add to my character quality list.
So? You have some homework this week. I ask you to really reflect on you in the next few minutes, hours, or days… What character qualities are you using to positively impact your world? How can you continue to build your character over time?
We’d love to hear your top 5 good character qualities this week! Comment below, and please share Good Humans with Good Character with your friends, running club, roommates and whoever else you think would like this little pep talk.
Let’s make a positive difference in the world by being good humans with good character!
Love!
Em
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